1. You see a guy in a dress (are not shocked) and immediately check your mobile calendar to see which dress run you missed.
2. When finishing a beer you feel compelled to turn the container upside down on your head.
4. You have more sidewalk chalk then your kids.
5. You have a vessel at the ready, no matter the occasion.
7. You yell ON-ON at your kids and expect them to follow AND On-In when it’s time to come in for dinner.
8. You start any retort with, “Pint of Lager…”
10. You snicker at work anytime someone says head… (Head? Who said head?)
11. Your Happi coat should now be called a Happi bathrobe and you have more patches than your Eagle scout child.
12. There is chalk in every bag or pouch you own.
13. When in line (or in “queue” for our friends across the pond), you notice all the things which people SHOULD be violated for and point them out with your elbow.
14. Male hashers compare whistle size instead of penis size…mostly cause the kennel has already found that lacking. – Contributed by Rektal Spielunker/POHO H3
16. Comments which should get you fired from your job, or at least on a probation warning, are considered the norm and in fact, are highly encouraged. – Contributed by Wufter of Rota/3 Kings H3
19. At the end of every office meeting you yell…. “Hat’s off! Pots on the Floor!” – Contributed by Clerk Jerk
#’s 20 – 29 Contributed by Flying Booger from his Top 10:
20. Whistle indentation in middle of chest.
21. Spends all night on the computer answering messages posted to Hash-L.
22. Would rather pump a keg than you.
23. Most of the numbers in his little black book end in “-HASH.”
25. Membership brochure from Fat Boys’ Athletic Club on top of dresser.
26. Refuses to romantically sip champagne from your high heels unless you’ve been sweating in them all day.
27. Introduces you to some guy named “ZiPpy.”
28. You can’t find your plumber’s helper anywhere.
29. “Beer hair.”
30. You buy hydrogen peroxide by the case. Contributed by Clit-R-Us/Gulf Coast H3
#’s 31 – 35 Contributed by Hokie Poke Me:
32. You have more clothes you can’t wear in muggle society than those you can.
33. You have more unused toe tags and patches than most hashers have ever gotten.
34. You spend two weeks travel hashing for your honeymoon.
35. You travel to another continent just to hash.
36. Wearing sneakers and bright colors that don’t match anything has become the norm… even outside of hashing. – Contributed by Deward
38. You know the dates of the full moon better than NASA. – Contributed by FFigawi
39. You begin to think being called a “f*cking f*ck” is a normal. – Contributed by Biceptual (Border Jumpers HHH host of Texas Interhash 2015)
40. Your greatest stories can’t be mentioned at work therefore leading your coworkers to believe you have 0.00% a social life. – Contributed by Bearly Blue
42. You buy hydrogen peroxide by the case. – Contributed by Clit-R-Us/Gulf Coast H3
#’s 43 – 48 Contributed by Wet/Dry Vac /DFW H3
43. You introduce your brother to hashing and now you know WAY too much about him. Things at camp outs get – awkward…
45. You keep your wooden vessel by your bed in fear that it might be stolen in your sleep.
46. The majority of emails in your inbox are trail and hash trash related.
47. You forget a hasher’s real name while trying to introduce him/her to a family member/boss/coworker after knowing this hasher for years.
49. You can identify shiggy by the marks it makes on hashers’ legs, arms, faces, torso. – Contributed by Only Half There
#’s 50 – 52 Contributed by Roofies taste like almonds
50. You give directions to coworkers with your elbow.
52. Violating lost and found in the most disgusting way possible is normal.
53. You fall during a hash and slice your chin open, but while you wait in the ER to get it stitched up, your main concern is whether there will be any beer left when you get back to the circle. – Contributed by Smells Like Fish
#55- 58 Contributed by ShesnotOurs/CarolinaTrash Hash House Harriers
55. Your daughter hashes with you then realizes she shouldn’t have come to your naming trail.
56. You and your wife hash together so long your wardrobe is one and the same.
57. The people at Goodwill help you pick out your next dress run outfit.
59. When your car is covered in hashing stickers and/or your licence plate is hash related. Contributed by My Cock Will Choke You/FUH3
#60 – 62 Contributed by Crotch Thumper
60. When there’s some crazy person trying to run you off the road only to realize they were trying to get your attention since you have an ON-ON bumper sticker…and then anger and fear feelings instantly turns to glee upon seeing their ON-ON bumper sticker.
61. You don’t recognize a hasher by their face, then he shows you his penis and you can instantly recall his hash name.
62. You accidentally sing Grandma (or another loved one) the wrong version of Happy Birthday.
64. When travel hashing you go out into the wilds with people you have never met before and freely trade clothing with them, not for a moment considering it odd behavior. Contributed by VulvaWhore/GCH3
65. You have hashed with or met more than half of the contributors on this or any similar thread.Ok, we lied. We only came up with 13. – Contributed by Which Way Is Inn?/KCH3
66. You move you an area where there is no hash so you start one. – Contributed by Fuck Face/OH3
68. You actually believe people can hear you better with your top off. – Contributed by LubriCUNT/GCH3
#69 – 71 Contributed by German Anal Girl/Peach Fuzz H3
70. When a hariette realizes the guy standing next to her looks better in his dress then she does in hers.
71. When you Always carry a plastic bag of dry rice in your hash-case to dry out your phone.
#72 – 75 Contributed by WaterWorks/Alamo City Humpin’ H3
72. When searching for a new place to live, you automatically dismiss any locations that do not have trail worthy shiggy nearby and any place with a backyard that can’t you hold a circle in.
73. You bring hash snax so tasty, your kennel presents you with a one of a kind chefs jacket happi coat.
74. Your children are named hashers and often give shit to the hare about not enough shiggy on trail.
75. You have so many pictures of hashes you have to get an external hard drive to keep them all since you refuse to put that kind of smut into the cloud.
#77 – 81 Contributed by Our Bloody Bitch/Random H3
77. You have a (muggles would call him a) penpal whom you have never met in person. You don’t really write each other, you just mail each other haberdashery.
79. When you are ready to walk to the bar, a muggle asks if you have any solo cups for the road and the question offends you.
80. The people at the dollar store assume you own a bakery.
81. You call your significant other by hash name, even when it is just the two of you at home.
#82 – 87 Contributed by Clitorias Secret/Voodoo H3
82. You find it perfectly acceptable that a Australian be named kiwi weewee and a Jew is named Meowshwitz.
83. You have no problem yelling Fuck! Ass! Tits! Or Cunt! through a crowd of muggles as long as halminds like Fucktard, Asses Up, Tits Don’t Fit, or No Cunttroll are in earshot.
85. You spend too much time thinking of the most offensive thing you can possibly call your closest buddy only to be heartbroken when someone who Barely knows them to come up with a better name.
86. You can’t listen to certain songs or jingles with your non hashing relatives anymore.
87. You realize you made the best possible decision with your life, drinking and hashing with half minds is the best day(s) of your week.
#88 – 91 Contributed by Uppercunt/FUH3
89. You have two or more pairs of running shoes, one of which will never ever be washed or thrown away until they are absolutely falling apart because you’ll have to drink out of a shiny new pair at circle.
91. You’ve given/received poison ivy as an sti.
93. You go to Disneyland and can’t remember the right words to “It’s A Small World.” Contributed by Chlamydia Chlamydia/Colorado Kimchi H3
#94 – 98. Contributed by Lost In My Rabbit Hole/Random H3
94. You acquire a colostomy bag and a bedpan and the first thing you think is “I can’t wait to show these to my friends”
95. You won’t make your significant other a drink until (s)he signals that (s)he needs one by holding his/her empty vessel upside down above his/her head.
96. The harriettes at InterAm take over the stage at the strip club and you’re excited that you can spend your tip money on more beer.
97. You think “the other bus sucks” mentality is infallible.
98. You see a problem at work and you know that the only real solution is a “trial by gravity!”
#99 – 102 Contributed by Repeat Offender/Phoenix Hash House Harriers
99. You are known by multiple hash names across the world thanks to your completely appropriate behavior at each of them.
100. You rent a storage unit just to hold all of your hashing attire.
101. When you order a PBR you can’t do it without singing Heineken schmeinekin fuck that Pabst blue ribbon.
102. You go to travel hash for the first time and more than 10 people say oh I’ve heard about you. – Contributed by Triple X/East Hill H3 Pensacola
103. Your pregnant daughter limbos under a chainlink fence 2 days before giving birth to your grandson…because that’s what grandma wound do. Hashbaby! – Contributed by Triple X/East Hill H3 Pensacola
104. You own your own machete because it is the best way to cut fresh trail through heavy shiggy. Contributed by Pokeranus/SaipanH3
105. When you spend time reading things like this…when you should be working! – Contributed by Youth-In-Asia
#106 – 109 Contributed by Jousting for Tampons
106. You have had tan lines in the shape of your necklace.
107. You have worn hash attire to non-hash events thinking, “this is a damn good opportunity to promote”.
108. You constantly size up new people you meet to see if they are good hash material.
109. Bringing a virgin to a hash always feels like you’re helping them be “born again”.
110. You don’t recognize people with their clothes on. – Contributed by Head-To-Toe-In-Utero
111. When you ask a brother hasher if they are going to the red dress run and they reply, “I left my dress at home” and you say, “no problem, I always keep a spare in my hash bag.” – Contributed by Brother Darryl/SAH3